A Tough Decision

A tough decision

All night long i was thinking about what she said. I wanted to know God more but i wasn't willing to give my whole life to Him.

What if i fail? What if i sin again...
I thought that those who repented do not sin..
And so i had a battle in my mind..

And then i made my decision. And told her i wanna repent what should i do? She said i'll take you to a father and he would tell you (she was an armenian orthodox so was i).

And we got an appointment and went. When we were talking i asked him...what if i sin? I wanted to make sure about what was i getting myself into. I wanted to calculate and see the concequenses of my mistakes and all that.

He said: it's not about sinning and not sinning, it's about loving sin and doing it or hating sin and doing it because of our weaknesses.

And he quoted somewhere in the Bible where apostle Paul says he does what he does not want to do. (romans 7:15-18)

So after several minutes i told him i want to repent now. And he was like are you sure? I said yeah i wanna repent right now!

And he said that i need to repeat whatever he said and i need to do that by faith, i agreed. And he started to pray alone and as he was praying i could feel my whole body shaking my eyes were closed but i felt another force close them more and it was so dark, i felt fire entering inside me from my head and deep down inside my heart. I repeated what he said and after that all i was repeating inside me was ' i give you my heart Jesus i open my heart for you, do whatever you want i give u my whole life'.

The next day when i woke up i wasn't the same person anymore i was changed! I never had doubts anymore. I had a new way of thinking like i was blind and now i suddenly am seeing again. For the first time in my life i was in peace. I knew what it felt like to give your whole life to God and not worry about tomorrow.

I used to read the bible before, you know when i used to do my researches, but i didn't understand, but after my repentance my eyes were like seeing in 3D when i read it instantly it was clear to me. I didn't have to make effort to understand what it said. It was awesome! it was like i had these flakelike substances covering my eyes and and my mind, and now it was removed!!!

I started enjoying reading the Bible because everytime i read i discovered new things...