who i was...

Who i was...

I was a child born in a family where we were not rich and we were not that poor either. but we had our fights against life.
I was so lazy at school i didn't know the conequences of my laziness until after everything was done.

We didn't have a place of our own we used to rent, after the war in Lebanon because our home was bombed so we didn't have a place to stay. My father even built a wood house which was only one room and a small toilet. We lived there for 3 years until we moved to a normal house.

I grew up and i wasn't good in my studies so i left school when i reached the 9th grade.

I started working in a supermarket from 8 to 8 for 300$ i only had sunday afternoons off. And this was i guess in 2004 and that was the year my grandfather died. But 3 days before his death i had a dream..

" i was in a place so dark and i saw a half statue of Jesus, in my mind i said ' it's gonna move' and it did. it started smiling a filthy smile and then started to laugh like he was mocking me, so he got up from the statue and was running after me, and there were like buildings that were under construction so i started climbing on the metals that hold the buildings, but no matter how fast i went or how high i got he would be behind me and suddenly my feet slipped and i was about to fall and i felt like i'm gonna die right there so i was screaming and crying ' i don't wanna die' and i woke up tears on my cheeks, hearing myself crying out loud 'i don't wanna die' that dream changed my life i started questioning about God's existance and life's purpose i felt suddenly my life had no meaning anymore and all i could think about was death. and when my grandfather died after 3 days my uncertainty began eating me inside out i no longer laughed no longer cared about anything because what is the purpose if we all gonna live and then die. i became atheist somehow and i had atheist friends at that time i was also influenced by them and felt that they asked logical questions.
And after a while i left the supermarket and started to work in another supermarket.

But i had several dreams after that. an angel would tell me why don't i believe in them and a group of saints would tell me to return to them. But all were in vain my heart was more than a rock at that time. i told myself that because i was thinking a lot about these things that i dreamt about them.

There i met a person who used to work in 'white magic' and his daughter used to tell me about the things that used to happen in their house i thought it was cool then, it was something new to me i was 18 years old. And another person who had evil spirits do bad stuff to him so i started believing in spirits, thinking why would he lie and what would he gain if he told me lies.

So at this point i was convinced and sure that there are evil spirits that do bad stuff and that idea rose this theory inside me 'if there are evil spirits then there are good spirits too' if there is Satan then there is Jesus too. So i started doing my researches in this way, the way that there are evidences of the presence of evil spirits and i couldn't deny it. And the more i asked people the more positive answers i got.

there was this girl who worked in the same market with me she started telling me about Jesus and she told me about everything that happened with her when she encountered the presence of God, how His presence would let her feel on her body arms and especially in her heart. and told me that Jesus died and rose for me and the only way to accept that was to give myself to Him and repent and i will have the gift of the Holy Spirit.